Nonviolent Communication – Worksheet

The Four Components

Observe. Feel. Need. Request.

"Nonviolent Communication is not a technique. It is a way of being with others that starts with observation, not judgement."

My reflection

In practice

Next time you feel irritated with someone, pause before speaking. Ask: what did I actually observe? (not interpret) What am I feeling? What do I need? What would I like to ask? Write it down before you say it.

I will try this this week

Reflect

Next time you feel irritated with someone, pause before speaking. Ask: what did I actually observe? (not interpret) What...

Feelings vs. Evaluations

'I feel like you don't care' is not a feeling.

"Most of what we call feelings are actually evaluations of others. Real feelings point inward. Evaluations point outward and trigger defensiveness."

My reflection

In practice

Review your last difficult conversation. Find the moment you said 'I feel like...' or 'I feel that...'. Rewrite it as a real feeling: something you would find in a list of emotions. Then notice how the statement changes.

I will try this this week

Reflect

Review your last difficult conversation. Find the moment you said 'I feel like...' or 'I feel that...'. Rewrite it as a ...

Universal Human Needs

Behind every conflict is an unmet need.

"All human beings share the same fundamental needs. Conflict is never really about positions – it is about needs that aren't being met."

My reflection

In practice

Think of an ongoing conflict in your life. Write down what you think the other person needs – not what they're demanding, but the deeper need underneath. Then write down your own needs. See if the needs are actually incompatible, or just the strategies.

I will try this this week

Reflect

Think of an ongoing conflict in your life. Write down what you think the other person needs – not what they're demanding...

Requests vs. Demands

A request leaves room for no. A demand doesn't.

"The difference between a request and a demand is not the words you use. It is whether you can genuinely accept a no."

My reflection

In practice

Think of something you want from someone. Ask: if they said no, what would I actually feel and do? If the honest answer involves any form of punishment or pressure, it is a demand. Practice reformulating it until you can genuinely accept a no.

I will try this this week

Reflect

Think of something you want from someone. Ask: if they said no, what would I actually feel and do? If the honest answer ...

Empathic Listening

Listen for the feeling and need. Not the words.

"Most people listen to respond. Empathic listening means listening to understand the feeling and need underneath the words."

My reflection

In practice

In your next difficult conversation, try reflecting back what the other person seems to be feeling and needing before responding with your own position. Don't offer solutions until they confirm you've understood correctly. Notice how the conversation changes.

I will try this this week

Reflect

In your next difficult conversation, try reflecting back what the other person seems to be feeling and needing before re...

Expressing Anger

Anger is not the problem. Blame is the problem.

"Anger is a valid signal that an important need is unmet. The mistake is expressing it through blame rather than through the need itself."

My reflection

In practice

The next time you feel angry, do not express it immediately. First, ask: what need of mine is not being met? Then formulate: 'When X happened, I felt Y, because I need Z.' Say this instead of the blame statement you would naturally reach for.

I will try this this week

Reflect

The next time you feel angry, do not express it immediately. First, ask: what need of mine is not being met? Then formul...

Protective Use of Force

Sometimes no words work. Act anyway.

"NVC is not passive. When communication fails, protective action is sometimes necessary – but it should be protective, not punitive."

My reflection

In practice

Review a situation where you used or wanted to use punishment – withdrawing affection, giving the silent treatment, making someone feel guilty. Ask: was this protective (preventing harm) or punitive (making them suffer)? What would a protective version look like?

I will try this this week

Reflect

Review a situation where you used or wanted to use punishment – withdrawing affection, giving the silent treatment, maki...